We had experience with a vicious person and it eventually impact the life and eventual death of our son. I continued to search for the virtue in her but her narcissism and vices compounded into abuse. Good article Susan and a reminder for us to follow out path and not fall into vices.
When people truly have become vicious, virtue can be driven out almost entirely... as you have so sadly and tragically experienced. It's why vices are so dangerous and the path of virtue and vice is so important to understand - and act on! It's also why calling vices virtues and virtues vices (as we moderns are so prone to do) is so problematic. The consequences are incredibly harmful, for individuals, those they impact, and society at large.
Formation of virtue starts as a side effect of pursuing the good, but it's also habit-reinforced. This is true for both adults and kids. The early stages of doing most things that cause flourishing in the long run - that is, things that are good - aren't initially (that) fun or pleasurable in the moment. It requires something of us and has little or no instant gratification. This is where habit comes in. When we choose to keep doing the thing, we accrue the virtue over time and the enjoyment eventually comes.
When it comes to parenting, the kid doesn't yet have the reason to know that doing the good thing causes flourishing and the instant gratification thing doesn't. And they don't have the willpower yet on their own to stick with the good thing and limit the instant gratification thing. This is where habit formation comes in. The parent helps/requires the kid to build the habit to do the things that point toward the good, even when they'd rather not. Over time the combination of the habit plus the enjoyment that eventually comes from pursuing the good kick in... and it becomes self-sustaining.
Long answer. :) Laziness is developmental in a sense for kids and is innate for all of us; the temptation to be lazy (and even our willingness to engage in laziness) will ebb and flow to some degree. But laziness is best avoided in kids, long-term, when we parent with an eye toward the goods and virtue and direct our kids' activities accordingly.
We had experience with a vicious person and it eventually impact the life and eventual death of our son. I continued to search for the virtue in her but her narcissism and vices compounded into abuse. Good article Susan and a reminder for us to follow out path and not fall into vices.
When people truly have become vicious, virtue can be driven out almost entirely... as you have so sadly and tragically experienced. It's why vices are so dangerous and the path of virtue and vice is so important to understand - and act on! It's also why calling vices virtues and virtues vices (as we moderns are so prone to do) is so problematic. The consequences are incredibly harmful, for individuals, those they impact, and society at large.
Would love to discuss how this applies to children…I see laziness building in my 8 year old. But perhaps this is just developmental?
Formation of virtue starts as a side effect of pursuing the good, but it's also habit-reinforced. This is true for both adults and kids. The early stages of doing most things that cause flourishing in the long run - that is, things that are good - aren't initially (that) fun or pleasurable in the moment. It requires something of us and has little or no instant gratification. This is where habit comes in. When we choose to keep doing the thing, we accrue the virtue over time and the enjoyment eventually comes.
When it comes to parenting, the kid doesn't yet have the reason to know that doing the good thing causes flourishing and the instant gratification thing doesn't. And they don't have the willpower yet on their own to stick with the good thing and limit the instant gratification thing. This is where habit formation comes in. The parent helps/requires the kid to build the habit to do the things that point toward the good, even when they'd rather not. Over time the combination of the habit plus the enjoyment that eventually comes from pursuing the good kick in... and it becomes self-sustaining.
Long answer. :) Laziness is developmental in a sense for kids and is innate for all of us; the temptation to be lazy (and even our willingness to engage in laziness) will ebb and flow to some degree. But laziness is best avoided in kids, long-term, when we parent with an eye toward the goods and virtue and direct our kids' activities accordingly.
More about parenting and this topic here: https://susanbarico.substack.com/p/on-being-an-unpopular-mom?r=3bp8n
Well said!